Ash Redfern vs The Squirrel
by MonquiC-MonquiDoo
Summary: Ever since the end of Daughters of Darkness, us Night World fans have wanted Ash to go back for Mary-Lynette. There have been many stories about their renunioun but not Ash's journey to get there. Here is that journey, told in the funniest way I can write


Warning : This story is random and stupid. You have been warned... Also L.J. Smith owns Night World & Ash & Delos &... well you get the point.

_"I've missed you for so long Ash" whispered Mary-Lynette softly._

_ " Well, I'm back now darling", said Ash as he ran his hands through her silky hair._

_ She leaned forward and they started to kiss. Ash was overwhelmed by the scent of her skin, the feel of her soft lips... Then as he put her arms around her, she pushed him away._

_ Ash tumbled backwards. A disgusted look came over Mary-Lynettes's face. _

_ " What the hell Ash? What the hell are you doing? Get away from me!" shrieked Mary Lynette as she slapped the living h-e- double hockey sticks out of him._

_ "That's weird", thought Ash." Mare sounds like Quinn when he found out he had ate the last Dixie Cream doughnut. Well they were out of Lucky Charms, so what was he supposed to do? His choice was the doughnut or Activia yogurt, and do you know what would happen to his street cred if he was seen eating old lady yogurt? His wonderful cousin had already posted a picture of him eating Special K cereal on Facebook, and those assholes at the mansion had called him " Special K" for weeks afterwards._

Ash was awakened out of his dream when someone dumped Gatorade on his head. Ash opened his eyes to find a disgusted looking Quinn and a very mad looking Rashel.

" Ash, why is it that you were just, MAKING OUT WITH QUINN?" screamed Rashel.

Ash's eyes almost popped out of his head. " Uh, oh, is that what I was doing?" asked Ash, a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. Oh, he knew he was gonna get it. He had just opened the Pandora's box of The Cat's anger, and once that was opened, there was no closing it until the opener was " taken care of".

But luckily, before the claws could come out, Nilson ( bless his heart) snuck in and said " Mr. Descoudres requests your presence immedietly, Ash."

Thank God! " See you later Kitty Cat said Ash as he did that little thing when you wiggle your three middle fingers. He then proceeded to get the hell outta there beacuase Rashel got this possesed look in her eyes and reached for her wooden stake.

Ash screamed like a girl ( isn't he soo manly?) then ran all the way to Theirry's office and slammed the door. The Boss Man was sitting at his desk, twiddling his thumbs. He wondered where Hannah was. When he was in trouble and Theirry got too harsh with his punishment, she could make it less servere.

Like the time Ash spray painted " I Love Justin Bieber" on Theirry's car in hot pink. He had wanted Keller and Rashel to rip him limb from limb while the entire Night World watched, but Hannah had talked him into grounding Ash for two weeks.

Now that Ash thought of it, Theirry's scheme reminded him of a certain book. He guessed he shouldn't be surprised. It was a little known fact that the lord of the Night World was obsessed with the life of Katniss Everdeen. Word was he even had a Team Gale t-shirt. Ash, himself, was Team Peeta,

Theirry looked up from _Mockinjay _and, oh God, was wearing the Team Gale t-shirt. He put in a boomark ( also team Gale) and said " Ash, I am going to make this fast because I have to know what happens next to Katniss and Gale. It has come to my attention that you have been kissing pillows, cheeseburgers, and, most recently, John Quinn while dreaming about Mary-Lynette. I have been getting complaints that it is mentally disturbing to see you french-kissing a Big Mac. I am sending you to find her, because while reading this highly suspenseful book, I don't enjoy teenagers banging on my door and whing about how scarring it is to see you doing... things to throw pillows."

Ash opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, Theirry yelled " KATNISS IS CHOOSING! I HAVE WAITED 2,000 PAGES FOR THIS MOMENT, SO DO BOTH OF US A GAVOR AND GO FIND HER!"

Ash blinked. Theirry leaned closer and asked " Do you have any more questions?"Ash shook his head so Theirry smiled and said " Good. Now scram before I let Rashel in."

He scrambled out out of his chair and ran into the door. The world went fuzzy, but he didn't care. He got to get mary-Lynette!

…...

I hope you guys like it, even though it wasn't funny. Hopefully it'll get better in upcoming chapeters. Thanks for reading and I'll update as soon as I can!

P.S. I love reviews just like everyone else so please review!


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